What Is a Sponsor? What They Do and How to Get One

Once you’ve graduated from rehab, you’ll move to long-term recovery, which means you’ll start going to recovery meetings. In these recovery circles, a sponsor is someone who’s got more time sober than you and is willing to help you learn some practical tools. They’ll guide you through some of the emotional ups and downs that often come with the early stages of the recovery process.

In AA, NA, and similar 12-step fellowships, sponsors specifically share what works for them, help you work the Steps, and pick up the phone when urges hit. Sponsorship is a specific type of partnership between the sponsor and the sponsored party, and the sponsor’s role is clearly defined. They aren’t your therapist or doctor, and they don’t control or run your life. They’re more like a mentor who helps encourage you, while keeping you accountable for your actions.

You choose your sponsor, and you can always find a new one if the dynamic just isn’t a good fit. The overall goal is simple: learn proven habits, build consistency, and stay connected so you’re never alone in your journey toward your own sobriety.

What Does a Sponsor Do? Core Roles and Healthy Boundaries

• They’re a Guide, Not a Guru: A sponsor shares lived experience and practical tools or coping skills that have worked for them.[1] They suggest readings, point you to meetings, and talk through triggers. They offer perspective so you can make your own choices. They don’t create or dictate your schedule, they don’t make medical decisions, and they don’t tell you who you can or cannot have in your life.
• Step Work & Accountability: In the AA program and most other 12-step frameworks, sponsors help you move through the Steps at a realistic, individualized pace. This may mean reading sections of the AA “Big Book”, writing inventories, reflections, or exploring amends.[2] Many pairs set simple check-in processes, either through text or a call. The rhythm and consistency matter more than the exact timing.
• Crisis Support with Limits: Sponsors are often the first call when cravings spike or emotions run hot. They’ll help you use tools like urge surfing, HALT checks, or a quick meeting. If safety, withdrawal, or mental health red flags show up, a good sponsor helps you contact a professional or get to urgent care.
• Practical Sobriety Routines: Sponsors encourage a foundation you can repeat: regular meetings, commitments to service initiatives, phone lists, and sober fun. They’ll nudge you to eat, sleep, move, and keep appointments. That steadiness lowers relapse risk.
• Always Keep Healthy Boundaries: Sponsors aren’t substitutes for clinicians, landlords, or banks. They should never blur the lines with respect to confidentiality or romance. You set the communication windows and topics that feel safe for you. If the fit isn’t right, don’t feel bad about switching sponsors respectfully to keep your needs front and center.

What a Sponsor Is Not

1. Not a Therapist or Doctor: Sponsors share experience and tools, but they don’t diagnose, prescribe, or manage medications.
2. Not a Bank, Landlord, or Rideshare: Money, housing, and transportation can strain boundaries fast. A sponsor can help you problem-solve and point you to resources. They shouldn’t be funding your life or driving you everywhere.
3. Not a Romantic Partner or Higher Power: The sponsor’s role is to guide the sponsored party, so romance will always complicate accountability for those in recovery. Keep your relationship focused solely on recovery. They also aren’t a higher power; they’re simply peers who share what worked for them and help support you in fighting cravings.

How AA Sponsorship Works

A sponsor-sponsee relationship is relatively straightforward. First, you’ll need to choose a sponsor. Look for someone who has what you want in recovery, not just the most time sober.

When evaluating examples of a sponsor, notice their consistency, how they treat others, and whether their schedule matches yours. Many people pick a sponsor of the same gender identity to keep boundaries simple. Ask if they have a sponsor of their own and if they are currently taking sponsees.

Remember that you don’t need the perfect fit from the start. Getting a temporary sponsor can give you someone to lean on and can help you get moving while you look for someone who is a better fit. They can suggest meetings, share reading suggestions, and be the voice on the other end when you call during a difficult craving.

Step work generally includes reading, short writing assignments, and having open, honest conversations. You’ll set a pace together and review progress during quick calls or coffee. Sponsors typically suggest check-ins at least daily, but sometimes more frequently for newer sponsees. They’ll also set up a home group and decide on simple service initiatives. Your responsibilities are to stick to this as able, while keeping your therapist and doctor both in the loop for medical and mental health reasons.

One of the cornerstones of AA culture is anonymity and humility. If you learn details about your sponsor’s story, you keep them private, and you ask them to do the same for you. Make an effort to avoid generating publicity through your recovery journey, particularly on social media. If something ever feels off, be sure to speak up; a good sponsor will always welcome feedback and honor your boundaries.

How to Find a Sponsor Today

If you’re new to recovery, one of the most important things to do when you get out of rehab or addiction treatment centers is to get a sponsor. You can typically find one either in a meeting or online. First, try an in-person meeting. Show up early and stay after. Try speaker, step study, gendered, or age-centered groups to find a crowd that resonates. Listen for someone whose approach makes sense to you, then see if they have a few minutes to talk.

If you travel or work a lot, or if your health keeps you from being able to attend enough meetings in person, you can use official AA directories and apps to participate in virtual meetings. Many also have listings of members who have made themselves available as a sponsor. Phone meetings can even help out if your workday prohibits attending morning or evening groups.

So, you’ve found potential sponsors at a meeting or through a directory. What do you say? Keep it simple. “Hi, I’m new and looking for a sponsor. I like what you shared. Would you be open to a call this week to talk about it?” If they don’t have availability, ask for referrals to potential sponsors who might. Exchange numbers, set times for test calls, and figure out how often to check in. Remember, it’s all about consistency.

Find A Sponsor and Navigate Recovery With 1:1 Support

Your sponsor will help you turn ideas and goals into daily actions. They’ll commit to picking up the phone when you call during a craving. They can suggest a place to meet up when you want to isolate, and they can walk you through the step-by-step work at a pace that fits your needs. They’ll help demonstrate consistency and honesty while helping you build your version of each.

That said, sponsorship isn’t a cure for anything, and it’s not a replacement for any kind of therapy or medical attention. What it is is a steady relationship that helps make it easier for you to use the tools you have and to tolerate stress or setbacks when needed.[3] Over time, though, roles can shift, changing your relationship with your sponsor or even guiding you to become one yourself. The point is simple. You don’t have to recover alone, and you never have to guess about what to do next